Faded
by lillyinblack
Summary: (Notes inside, please R&R, thanks!) There is a new girl in the circus, a woman who appeared out of thin air. Trowa does not know what to make of her, and things start to head downhill in his, and her, life.
1. Chapter 1: Rain Soaked Ballerina

Disclaimer: HA! I wish I owned this series, but alas I don't, so don't me, I am poor anyway, you won't get much money.  
  
Notes: I LOVE THIS. I can't stop writing it really. I have through chapter 5 written in my notebook, if only I had time to type it all! Well, hopefully I can post more of this asap, as it has been revised a bit, and it is in for a second revision with my friend right now. Enjoy my friends, and review if you have any suggestions. Thanks!  
  
Chapter 1: Rain Soaked Ballerina  
The rain had started driving down since the moment that the last tent stake was placed. It was a little past eleven, and the rain heavy clouds made the night darker. Despite the terrible weather, the circus was planning to have a remarkable turnout the next night. Trowa and Catherine tended to the horses in the deluge before seeking shelter in the main tent.  
"Tomorrow night is going to be wonderful." Catherine smiled while shaking the rain from her hair. Trowa smiled back and nodded, then he walked out toward the center ring amid the bustling workers who were getting the tent ready for the next night. Catherine ran after him.  
"You seem so cheery lately," she grinned, "is it because of that visitor I keep seeing you sneak around some nights?" Trowa stopped dead and stared at her.  
"How did you know about that?"  
"I notice more than you think I do," Catherine giggled, then began to walk backwards in front of him, "so, who is she?"  
"I don't really want to talk about this right now." Trowa replied awkwardly as they stopped near the center ring. Catherine hugged him gently.  
"Okay," she smiled into his shoulder, "I give up for now." Trowa smiled and hugged her back, then kissed the top of her head. For the rest of the night, it weighed on him that she knew about his affair, but dismissed his worries because she still did not know who the girl was.  
Trowa left to his trailer after the rest of the work was done. Better than half of his home was the costume storage, but he liked the divided nook in the back, which he called home. There was a nice bed below a small window, a dresser bookcase, which were cleverly engineered to stay in their place while moving, and a small bathroom with a got water hook-up that led to his shower. He sat on the bed and pulled a clipboard and pen from underneath it. The letter on the clipboard was unfinished, and the name for whom it was for was not yet written.  
Cathy has found out about us. There is no danger to us yet, as  
she does not know who you are. I worry about this, you know,  
that the wrong people are going to see us and that this shall  
end. I want to see you everyday, make you mine, and this  
distance just drives me to want you more. I look forward to  
seeing you tomorrow night, waiting for me to be done with the  
show. I know this reads like a journal, but it is the only way I  
know how to gain some comfort. You know that I think of you all  
of the time, I can't really help myself. It is very late now;  
perhaps I'd better turn in, as it is an early day tomorrow.  
Trowa finished his last few lines, then changed out of his day clothes and ducked under his blankets to sleep. He stared out of the window at the tempest that was still raging. Somehow, it calmed his worried nerves, and he found himself sleeping soundly, and dreaming of that girl.  
The next morning was gray, but every once and awhile, the sun peeked through the cloudy mist, and by nine it had burned off the low-lying fog. Trowa had just left his trailer when Catherine came hurrying over.  
"Trowa!" she said in an excited whisper, "Come here, quickly!" she grabbed his hand and tugged him across the busy road that the circus had set up near. Trowa stopped her as they reached the other side.  
"Catherine," he said with weariness, "what are you doing?"  
"There is someone sleeping on that bus stop bench!" she pointed to it, and sure enough, there was a person lying next to some old suitcases and a metal hoop, "I don't know if they are okay."  
"Cathy," he sighed, "they could just be waiting for their bus."  
"But they are soaked," she protested, "and so are all of their belongings. It looks like that have been out there all night."  
"Would you feel better if we went to check on them?" he asked, to which she nodded. They walked over to the figure on the bench, which was curled up with its legs tucked into its chest.  
"I think it is a woman." Catherine whispered. After looking over the figure for a moment, Trowa silently agreed, then kneeled on the drying pavement and shook the woman's shoulder. She awoke with a little startled and as she rose slightly from the bench, she looked at him with midnight- blue eyes, and he caught sight of some slightly curly black locks underneath her sweatshirt hood. 


	2. Chapter 2: Lonely Secrets

Chapter 2: Lonely Secrets  
"I-I'm sorry to bother you," Trowa fumbled under the gaze of the lovely young woman, "but my sister saw you sleeping here, and was worried."  
"Do you two work at the circus?" she asked abruptly.  
"Umm. yes we do." Catherine replied.  
"I have been traveling here for a few weeks in hope of finding you," there was a faint smile upon her lips, "I was hoping to join you, show my skill, or at least get a small job with you."  
"I am sure you could try out for a job, or perform," Catherine helped the soaked woman to her feet, "come with us and lets get you dried off, by the way, what is your name?"  
"Tara," the woman stooped and picked up her backpack and the peculiar metal hoop, "Tara Kerington." Catherine smiled at her, while Trowa picked up her other bag.  
"It is lovely to meet you, Tara," Catherine took her arm and led her across the street, "by the way, my name is Catherine Bloom, and Trowa is my younger brother. I am the knife thrower, and Trowa acts as my target, he also does gymnastics for the shows." Tara smiled faintly at them both.  
"I used to be a professional dancer," she told them in a low voice as they reached Catherine's trailer home, "I am trained as a spinner though, aside from ballet."  
"Oh wow!" Catherine mused, "Our spinner had to leave when she became pregnant and married. I am sure you'll be hired if the ringmaster likes your skills." The two of them exchanged more information, but Trowa remained silent. There was something about this girl and her melancholy smile that did not quite add up. He left Catherine and this new girl to dry her clothes and other belongings.  
Trowa left to the main tent and helped get things ready for that night. He suddenly felt someone tap him on the shoulder lightly. He turned around to have his eyes fall upon Quatre and Dorothy. His jaw nearly dropped.  
"I heard you were in town," Quatre smiled, "so Dorothy and I decided to pay a visit." Trowa hugged him warmly, and then did the same for Dorothy.  
"It is good to see you two out and about," Trowa smiled, "but why did you come to see the show?"  
"I have never seen it before," Dorothy answered sweetly, "and Quatre is always talking about how wonderful it is." Trowa did not mind the two of their visit, but it did put his visit with someone else in jeopardy.  
"Hey, Trowa," one of the techs called to him, "give me a hand with this, will ya?"  
"I will have to get back to you," Trowa smiled, "but feel free to hang around." The tech was holding Tara's metal hoop, which its purpose finally became clear. It was a spinner's loop, and they quickly attached it to one of the rope pulleys above the center ring.  
"Thanks for getting that done," The Ringmaster approached them, "it seems that Cathy really likes this little girl you found this morning. I am going to give her a shot." Trowa nodded and wondered how Tara could be in good enough shape to perform. However, Tara came through the main entrance in a warm up leotard of Catherine's. Seeing her in the black leotard proved that she had a dancer's body. Tara was taller than Catherine, but her clothes fit through the luck of her height being through her legs. Upon those long, toned legs was a tight, yet graceful torso, and long, graceful arms, and her neck and shoulders moved with an easy grace as Tara stretched.  
"She is quite beautiful," Quatre had joined Trowa, "who is she?"  
"A drifter who needed a job," Trowa watched her closely, "Her name is Tara Kerington." The ringmaster began talking to a new rather energetic looking Tara. She nodded one last time before posing in the center ring. The Ringmaster cued her music, and she was soon dancing to a beautiful sonata. Her ballet training shone like a diamond before she swung onto her aluminum ring and was hoisted far above the ground. Trowa was very impressed by her skill.  
"She's good, isn't she?" Catherine wandered over.  
"Yes she is." Trowa replied blankly and kept watching her. Tara had connecting a rope to the bottom of the ring and spun from her teeth before being lowered back to the ground. She ended her show like she started it, only in a ground pose as the music ended in a minor chord. Needless to say, she received a job and moved into Catherine's trailer.  
Trowa paid no mind to this new stranger; he would get to know her in due time. His performance went off without a hitch, and directly after, he saw a woman in a beige trench coat watching him from the stands. His heart raced for a moment until he walked backstage and bid Dorothy and Quatre goodnight. After doing so, he left for his trailer alone, as his custom usually was. He figured that he would not be seeing his visitor that night, until he opened and shut his door.  
"Relena?" he smiled at the pretty young blonde in the beige trench coat.  
"Quatre and Dorothy are here." She told him with a worried expression.  
"I know," Trowa replied, pulling her into his arms and kissing her lightly, "but they just left, nothing to worry about." She kissed him back eagerly, as if she had not seen him for years.  
"This is getting risky, you know." She said between kisses, which were becoming more and more intense.  
"I know," Trowa smiled again while slipping the heavy jacket from her shoulders, revealing her delicate frame, "but risk makes it even better." She giggled and left to his bed while he locked his doors and windows. He returned to see Relena and her Friday casual lying in innocent seduction on his bed. He just watched her for a moment.  
"What are you starin' at?" she joked coyly.  
"Something that is bad for my health," he smirked, "but I love it anyway." She laughed and grabbed him by the shoulders, pulling him down on top of her and into a kiss. After it broke, she ran her fingers through his hair.  
"Are you feeling alright tonight?" she asked in a sweet tone. They had been seeing one another for over nine months. She has become in close correspondence through letters when her life had started to get very stressful, and Heero was not being all to receptive. It all escalated from letters, to phone calls to visits, and then rendezvous that become bi- weekly whenever possible. The sex satisfied them both, but Trowa feared that she could go back to Heero as soon as he figured out that he was loosing her. The sheer fact that Relena kept her relationship with Trowa a secret was a red flag, but Trowa still believed that good would come from it, no matter what the outcome.  
"Sure I am," he grinned, "I'm just a little tired from today."  
"Well, you better wake up," Relena teased, "or you're going to have not fun tonight." They spent the night in their usual bliss. As Relena left in the morning, Trowa gave her the letter he had been writing. She slipped it in her coat and left him with one last, lonely kiss, and he returned to bed for another hour of sleep. 


	3. Chapter 3: A New Plaything

Chapter 3: A New Plaything Trowa slept later than he thought he would, and was awakened by Catherine loudly rapping on his door.  
"Trowa!" she called impatiently, "Your door is locked! Tara and I need to get into the costume compartment." Trowa groaned and lifted himself from bed; he dressed quickly and opened the door.  
"Sorry." He murmured sleepily.  
"I was worried you had died," Catherine teased, "thanks for getting up though." Trowa shrugged and headed back to his apartment where he immediately started the shower. Tara and Catherine started rummaging through trunks for cloth and trimmings so that they could start working on a costume for her act. Tara could not help but notice, as she was in the back part of the costume compartment, that there was a heavy atmosphere that came from Trowa's living space. The two of them settled on a scheme of blue with black trimmings, and they left the trailer. Tara looked to be deep in thought.  
"You alright, Tara?" Catherine asked.  
"Does Trowa have a girlfriend?" Tara asked, the curiosity gleaming in her eyes.  
"I don't know if you can call her that," Catherine replied shakily, "but there is somebody, I don't even know who she is. How did you know?"  
"Just a guess." Tara smiled as they went back into their trailer. Catherine shrugged, and then pulled out her measuring tape and a notepad.  
"We may as well get working on this now," Catherine smiled, "so go ahead and strip down so I can get your measurements." Tara shrugged, and then stripped down to her bra and underwear. Catherine began taking all of her necessary measurements. Trowa, meanwhile, headed toward their trailer, hoping to ask about what ideas they had about Tara's costume. He opened the door and stepped inside, not thinking to knock first.  
"So how are the designs go.ing." he caught sight of the half nude woman and froze for a moment.  
"Trowa!" Catherine leapt to her feet and shielded Tara, "You should really knock first! Come back later, please!" Tara had not made a move to cover herself, she just watched Trowa over Catherine's shoulder with interest. After Catherine's scolding, Trowa turned to leave.  
"F-Forgive my intrusion, ladies." As the door shut, Catherine locked it.  
"Sorry about that," she said, embarrassed, "it was my fault for not locking it."  
"That's alright," Tara replied unfazed, "it was not a problem." The two of them created a design and a pattern for the costume, and then cut out the fabric needed.  
"Will white toe shoes do, or should I get blue?" Tara asked as they put their work away for the day.  
"I think a dark blue would look best," Catherine answered as she looked up the address of a local shoe store, "This place should sell them, have Trowa give you a ride down there."  
Trowa could not take his mind of what he saw earlier that day. Tara's cool demeanor was a little too relaxed for just being barged in upon. The way she had looked at him was a look of confidence, like a parrot behind the pars of a strong cage while the cat was staring in. She held herself so high, when to anyone else, it seemed like she had few things to be proud over. Yet there she stood, staring at him with a seemingly silent knowledge that she had just captured a new toy. He tried thinking of Relena, but for the first hour after the incident, every thought went back to Tara.  
"Trowa," Tara's voice chimed gently into his thoughts, "may I ask you a favor?" Trowa spun around, bewildered.  
"Uh. umm, yes, sure." He shivered suddenly.  
"I need a lift to town," she told him, "I just need to get a new pair of slippers for the show."  
"Of course." He gave a weak smile and led her to his truck. They traveled in silence for sometime before Tara broke it.  
"You don't have to fret about what happened earlier," she stated in her usual, flat tone, which somehow held a warmer feeling than any other time before.  
"I am sincerely sorry for that though." Trowa sighed. Tara laughed a little.  
"Dancers are people who either hate or are very comfortable with their bodies," she smiled, "and I happen to be comfortable with mine. I did not even flinch when you came in, I am comfortable almost all the time that way." Trowa apologized again, but he saw that same confidence in her eyes. He felt haunted for the rest of the night, until Relena was lying in his bed once more. 


	4. Chapter 4: Discovery

Chapter 4: Discovery  
Tara's first show went remarkably well. The audience loved her act, and she shone in the spotlight. For the next several weeks of travel, the story was the same, and soon, her act was something that drew customers.  
"The dark dancing beauty that appeared from thin air." Trowa murmured late one night.  
"What?" Relena stirred from sleep and looked up at him. Trowa ran his hand through her tangled blonde hair.  
"Nothing, just speculations."  
"You don't trust that girl, Tara, huh?" she laid her head on his chest.  
"Not really," he sighed, "there is something about her that I just can't trust."  
"You worry too much."  
"Maybe I do."  
"Go to sleep, Trowa." Relena yawned, cuddling him close. He laughed at her childish ways when she was tired. She fell back asleep quickly, but all Trowa could think about was how Relena would cling to him. It was seldom in a loving way lately, it was as if she was doing it to justify it in her mind. She left early the morning, as usual. Tara happened to be awake, she has been unable to sleep since 2a.m. and she was writing in a leather bound journal. She suddenly heard a door open and close, and she looked out of her window in the nick of time to see a young woman leave Trowa's trailer. Tara's face paled for a moment, then she smiled and started a new paragraph in her journal.  
It seems that Trowa's lady friend is no longer a secret. I have  
seen her at so many of our shows, so I don't know why I could  
not make the connection. The young Relena Darlian, excuse me,  
Peacecraft, has stolen his heart. Such a deceiver she is; I see  
nothing good coming from this. I shall have to watch them  
closely.  
She shut her journal and looked out of the window again. She wondered why it was all taking place. Relena had been in the public eye with one Heero Yuy for quite some time. The idea perplexed her, but she knew she could try to uncover something soon. For the next few weeks she would see them sneak around, and there was no doubt in her mind that this was not a misunderstanding.  
Tara waited until Relena made her retreat one morning. She tended to the horses that were stabled near Trowa's trailer. So that she could keep tabs on him. That night, they were to pack and leave, so she knew that Relena would not be visiting. Suddenly, she heard his door open, and he walked outside looking tired, his arms were laden with bedding. He left them in the wash house, and then walked back. He smiled at her when she waved and said good morning, then he went inside his trailer and Tara heard the shower start. She snuck into the trailer, looking among the old costumes for a moment, then entered Trowa's back apartment.  
The first thing she noticed was that it was very clean. The bookshelf was organized, the closet and dresser tidy, the stripped pillows were even placed on the stripped bed as if it were formally made. There was a copy of Thoreau's Walden lying open on the bed as well, and it was the only thing that seemed out of place. She guessed that there was about ten minutes before he would be out of the shower. She picked up the copy of Walden and made herself comfortable in its place. There was a red bookmark toward the middle of the novel, so she where he left off, leaving the mark in its original place. Walden was not one of her favorite books, but she did enjoy reading it and had no qualms with reading it again. Seven minutes later, the shower stopped running, and she turned another page. Trowa stepped out of the shower clad in nothing but a white towel around his waist. He did not even notice the woman lying on his bed for a moment as he began to rummage through his closet.  
"You have a very nice collection of books, Trowa." Tara had not even deviated her eyes from the pages as she made the observation. Trowa had no idea what to do for a moment. There was a woman, whom he still considered a stranger, lying in her revealing warm-up clothes on his bed, reading one of his books and not being in the least bit worried about him being so sparsely clothed. He finally managed to choke out an inquiry.  
"What the Hell are you doing in here?" She folded the book down upon her chest and studied him, then closed it and put it aside.  
"I can't help but be curious."  
"Curious about what?"  
"Curious about how a guy like you lives, what he is into, how he keeps himself," she giggled in a low tone, "you can't deny a girl that." She turned and lied on her side, trying to place like an innocent little kitten.  
"I guess not, but still." Trowa was feeling a little nervous, but somehow he admired her unabashed behavior as unwelcome as it was.  
"Besides," she laughed in that same husky tone, "I have just come to love your scent." She snuggled into one of the pillows for a moment, breathing in deeply. Trowa worried where all of this sudden attention was spurred from, but really disturbed him was the part of him that didn't even mind. Suddenly, she wrapped her fingers around something and sat up.  
"Although," she mused, "it seems some flaxen-haired doe likes your scent too, oh well." She was holding up a long, golden strand of hair. Trowa's heart leapt into his throat. He instinctively lunged for it, but Tara ducked out of the way.  
"Give that to me!" he pleaded.  
"Your's and Relena's secret is safe with me," she laughed as he continued desperately to try and catch her, "I just want to know why, and since I know you won't tell me why right now, we will have to wait until later, eh?" With a final little laugh, she got out of the trailer and ran as fast as she could back to her own.  
Trowa just sat down on the floor, his head in his hands, wondering how to fix this mess. 


	5. Chapter 5: Closer and Further Away

Before you read chapter 5, IT'S AUTHOR TIME! YAY! I wanted to take some time here and thank some of the people who have been reading this and waiting for my lazy ass to update, woo!  
  
Soon to be the world renoun Gracie: I hope the chapters to come will be even more fun to read, and get even more tangled along the way!  
  
Anthia: Hopefully my chapters will get reviewed soon, but my editor is busy with school, as am I. Thanks for reading this anyway, I know there are a few mistakes or things that can be done better. =^.^=  
  
Vega03: Oops, my mystery woman was actually Tara, but that's okay. I am glad that this has caught your interest though.  
  
Annie: I need you to be a pep talker for when I do my homework. Maybe I would get it all done that way! XD  
  
And now, onto the show. **********************************************************************  
  
Chapter 5: Closer and Further Away  
Tara was true to her word, not a soul found out about Relena, not even Catherine knew. Trowa just figured that the stunt was to catch him off guard and jump-start a friendship. At least, that's the way it worked out. They started talking a lot more often and found one another's company enjoyable and redeeming. The two of them, along with Catherine, were inseparable at times. One thing that Tara loved to do was to borrow his books and read them. He was the type of person who marked important passages or scribbled down questions in the margins. For Tara, it was just another way to get to know him.  
Tara knew that Trowa had told Relena about the incident, and things seemed okay. She laughed to herself about still not wanting to meet her in person. Apparently, Trowa and Relena had a tiff about it, but made up almost instantly.  
They were on a scheduled two-week vacation where everything would be shut down and they were allowed to do what they pleased. Trowa, Catherine, and Tara threw their daypacks in the back of the truck, and then got into the cab. Trowa started the engine reluctantly.  
"Are you sure?" he turned to his sister, who had gotten stuck in the middle seat. She had a stern expression on, but Tara beat her to the punch.  
"Yeah, lets go." He sighed, put the truck in gear, and pulled onto the road.  
Trowa did not want to go the beach; in truth, there was not one bit of him that felt like it, but that's where they were heading. The two women seemed so excited, and he can never say "no" when under the feminine charm. He knew it would be bad though, because he forgot to mention to them about his friends planning to meet that day for a gathering at the coast. Quatre had written him a letter urging his attendance as everyone was going to be there. He did not want to be near Relena and the rest of the group, because he was afraid that something might happen between them. Now there he was, listening to rock music with two very happy women passengers going to the beach. He just hoped that he would be lucky enough to miss them, but who was he kidding but himself?  
He found a spot in the public parking lot and pulled in. The girls leapt out of the truck, grabbed their bags and ran off to the bathrooms.  
"Check out the landscape for a nice spot!" he heard Tara call back to him. His heart felt like it was traveling slowly into his stomach as he looked around. He was nervous that another sweep of the people busily having fun would yield a large group of his friends. Catherine and Tara ambushed the distracted Trowa a couple minutes later, messing up his hair and hugging him around the waist.  
"Lighten up, Trowa, you look down." Catherine smiled at him. She had changed into her favorite blue bikini and wrap.  
"Yeah, we are supposed to be having fun, you know." Tara teased. She was wearing a black two-piece with a white tank top over it. They were both trying their best to cheer him up, so he grabbed the big umbrella they had brought and walked out toward a spot that was empty. The two ladies ran after him with delight. They set up their belongings and Tara left shortly after to hunt in the tide pools. Trowa and Catherine laughed about it, wondering if it was the childish side of Tara emerging. Catherine looked to the west where something caught her eye.  
"Hey," she began to smile, "isn't that Quatre and the rest of your friends?" Trowa sat up quickly and saw Quatre, Duo, Wufei, Milliardo, Lucrezia, Sally, Hilde, and Dorothy heading toward them. They rushed over and greeted Trowa and Catherine.  
"Where is Heero?" Trowa asked, starting to feel a little relieved.  
"Oh," Duo scoffed in his comic way, "he and Relena are going to be fashionably late." Duo's lighthearted gesture made everyone laugh, but Trowa felt his heart sink further as Lady Une and Mahrimeieh arrived. It was only a matter of time before Heero and Relena would show up. However, for the time being, things were pleasant, and he enjoyed himself and his friends. Dorothy suddenly stood up and ran toward the parking lot.  
"They are finally here!" Trowa looked over his shoulder with a stoic expression. Dorothy was talking excitedly with Relena, while Heero walked in front of them. Relena caught Trowa's emerald gaze, and she paled for a moment. He had told her that he was not coming, and they were both now thrust into an awkward situation. Trowa just turned his gaze to Heero, and they made their hellos. Luckily, a distraction was made in Tara's return. She looked around, a little bewildered at the group, only half of which had noticed her. She sat beside Trowa and Catherine, whispering something to her, and then she made eye contact with Duo.  
"So," Duo smiled at her, "who is your friend here, guys?" She did not need, nor want such attention, but took it anyway. She felt the eyes of Milliardo and Lucrezia upon her.  
"This is Tara Kerington," Trowa's hard tone surprised her, "she is a performer who came to us several months ago." She forced herself to smile and give a little wave as he spoke, probably coming off a little too shy. The afternoon went well, although Tara could feel the tension that refused to lift. She noticed Trowa staring at Relena, so she grabbed her net bag and took Trowa's arm. She quickly diverted him into a walk down the shoreline.  
"What was that for?" he asked, concerned.  
"You were staring at her," she tried to replicate his cold tone, "I thought I would diffuse the situation before it started." Trowa sighed heavily and let his gaze fall a little.  
'I'm sorry."  
"Why do you act so differently around them?" Trowa was taken back by the question.  
"They expect me to be that way, I believe."  
"Why should you have to be a certain way?" she stopped and looked at him, "You are a distinct personality, why change to something that you are not? Are you afraid of being yourself?" Trowa's gaze grew a little colder, then warmed up again with an unexpected smile. He knelt down and crooked his arms, and then he smiled up at her again.  
"Want a lift?" Tara felt her stern expression melt, and allowed him to carry her. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her effortlessly on his back. She rested her chin on the top of his shoulder.  
"You're avoiding my questions." She tried to sound impatient.  
"What's in the bag?" He asked calmly, looking at the bag she held in front of him.  
"Just shells and what not," she sighed, "I went diving earlier, but what does this have to do with the subject at hand?" Trowa slowed his pace and looked over his shoulder.  
"I am just trying to show you that I am still the same person you know," he said quietly, "but I have to do what is necessary in my situation." Tara fell silent for a little while, thinking about what he had said. She still had something on her mind that was bothering her.  
"What if your relationship ends?" she asked, and changed her mind, "I mean, what if Heero finds out about you and Relena?"  
"Well," he replied, a tinge of doubt in his voice, "I guess she will have to choose between us." Tara felt horrible for asking the question.  
"Will you miss her?"  
"I try not to think about it," she heard his voice go quiet and thoughtful, and by being so close she could even feel that smooth tone flow through his chest, "but I'm afraid I will." She took her arms from around his neck, so he let her down. Before he could ask why, Tara was hugging him closely, trying to comfort him. She knew, in a way that made her feel cheap, that she was also helping herself.  
"I am sorry to have brought it up." He heard her say softly.  
"It's okay," he reassured her, "come on now, let's head back." She honestly did not want to, but they left anyway, and the group they returned to was cheery. The tension she had felt was gone for the most part, and any little bit she did feel seemed to be coming from Relena. Trowa wore a complacent smile, which let her know that he was okay.  
Milliardo and Lucrezia would stare at her from time to time though, and Tara felt so nervous that she left the group and went up to the truck to escape them, if only for a minute. She looked in the truck's bed for a moment to stall for time, and she then felt someone grab her by the wrist and spin her around. It was Milliardo. She tried to fight away from him, but he had grabbed her other wrist and disabled her against the truck cab.  
"So you told them your real name, did you?" He asked with a harsh smile.  
"Let me go!" She snapped at him through gritted teeth, writing between him and the cold metal and glass.  
"What do you honestly think you're doing?" his eyes narrowed, "Why can't you leave well enough alone?"  
"I'm trying to live an honest life!" she barked still fighting him violently.  
"Why can't you live it somewhere else," he had a sarcastic undertone, "away from a Gundam pilot, per-say? You did it on purpose, you know who they are. What are you planning to do?"  
"How dare you accuse me like this!" she bucked away from the cab once more, managing to free her self, "Fuck you and your assumptions! Why would I try to do anything against some of the only people who would take me in? Do unto others as they do unto you, they give me nothing but kindness and that is what I give them in return!"  
"Hold your tongue about that!" Milliardo was still calm, but a bit of rage snuck into his voice, "Talking about doing unto others, you should have followed your own advice." He ended with a spat, and Tara shrunk back a little, betrayed by her own words to some small extent.  
"I only want to move on," she sighed solemnly, which took Milliardo a little off guard, "is there something wrong about wanting to start over again, about wanting to be normal for once?" Tara saw his eyes soften and shine, something that she hadn't seen in a very long time.  
"I guess not," he sighed, and then grew stern again, "but be sure that if anything happens, we will know why to look for as culprit." He left as he said it, and Tara just wanted to die. She fell asleep that night feeling so broken, that she didn't think she would wake come morning. 


	6. Chapter 6: It's over now

Disclaimer: See chapter 1  
  
A/N: Sorry this has been so long in getting here. I finished it awhile ago, but with how hectic life has been, I have hardly gotten the time to do any writing unless it was assigned. Forgive me if you have been waiting for this story! Comments are always welcome!  
  
Chapter 6: It's over now  
Trowa watched Tara with curiosity for the next couple of weeks. He had caught her and Milliardo in a fight, just after they had finished. Tara said she was fine, but dark bruises had formed on her wrists and a couple on her back, so she had to use stage makeup for performances. The shows still went well, and they were heading steadily inland from the ocean. Tara's attitude had shifted low, and she would keep to herself, unusually shy for her normal self. Trowa found her sleeping in the main tent one morning, and when he woke her, she got up and left silently. Trowa met with Catherine later and asked about her strange behavior.  
"I think she is put off with me." She told him.  
"Why?"  
"Well," they walked about the tent amid the early morning bustle, "I have been getting rather worried about her behavior lately, so I asked her why she was so down. She wouldn't tell me. I kept on her though, thinking that she would eventually. No such luck, I got her feeling so bad that she up and left. After realizing what I had done, I figured it was best not to go after her."  
"I think you better talk to her though." Trowa knew that Milliardo had something to do with her mood. Catherine nodded and left to find Tara, while Trowa left the tent to find a tent away from the fairgrounds.  
There was a payphone booth a little ways down the road; it was perfect. He punched in a military number, and an operator answered.  
"Preventors Corps. Please state your name and business."  
"Trowa Barton, get me Wind, now."  
"One moment."  
  
"Tara, I'm really sorry about the way I acted last night," Catherine apologized, "it was uncalled for, but I am just worried for your well- being."  
"It's okay, I just can't really talk about it right now."  
"Well, if you ever can, let me know," Catherine put her arm around Tara's shoulders, "I know I would like to listen, Trowa would too."  
  
"Wind. Who is this?"  
"I thought the receptionist would have told you."  
"Trowa."  
"What's going on, Milliardo?"  
  
"I know he would," Tara smiled, "it is just not the right time." She looked at her wrists, the bruises nearly gone. Tara felt guilty about not telling Trowa and Catherine, but she held firm that she should wait.  
  
"Nothing is going on."  
"You are an awful liar, Milliardo."  
"I know," Trowa heard amusement in Milliardo's voice, "but you don't need to worry about it. It was between the girl and I, she may tell you about it in due time, knowing her."  
"Milliardo," Trowa grew impatient, "just tell me how you know eachother."  
"You need to find that out for yourself." Trowa heard the connection cut, and he slammed the receiver down. As he walked back, his mind wandered over the possibilities of what had happened between Tara, Milliardo, and Lucrezia. He entered the main tent and saw Tara smiling again, and as she ran over and hugged him, his doubts washed away. He knew that she could not be a completely innocent person, but this girl could be forgiven, and he would wait to hear what she had to say.  
"Sorry." her voice was muffled. Trowa smiled and embraced her warmly.  
"Don't worry about it, just talk to me when you are ready."  
That night ran slowly, but there was a jovial feeling rooted into the show, more so than usual. Tara was out entertaining the crowd with the clowns. While Catherine and Trowa were in the center ring, Tara noticed a young woman in a beige trench coat. Her breath caught in her throat, and she crept over to take the seat next to her.  
"Relena?" She whispered. Relena looked at her, surprised for a moment.  
"Tara, hello," she smiled, "what are you doing up here?"  
"I am spending time with the clowns," she mused, "but why are you here?"  
"I'm here to see Trowa," Relena blushed slightly, "he knows I am here."  
"All right," Tara winked, and then stood up to resume her job, "good to see you!" She didn't want to stay near Relena for too long, fearing that someone may see her. Tara stopped for a moment, realizing that she was buying into their deception. She glanced at Trowa, who was stone-faced as ever as the glittering blades sunk deep into the board behind him. Tara frowned, finally noticing that he had become something special to her, and that he was an anchor that kept her in the circus. Milliardo would be watching her, and he would not approve. She knew her situation was not a good one, but she only had two choices: stay, and have Milliardo and the Preventors tracking her every move, or leave a place that was starting to feel like home. Tara did not have time to think upon it, Catherine and Trowa were done and they were the last act of the night. She felt someone grab onto her arm firmly, and she spun from their grip. A set of Prussian blue eyes, shining through a slight veil of dark brown met her own. Through she was initially ready to defend herself, she was taken back by the hard gaze.  
"Heero..." her voice failed her.  
"Is Relena here?" he asked quietly, calmly. In the back of her mind, she wished to tear from him and get Relena the hell away from the area. She felt bad for advocating their semi-adulterous relationship, but she was scared for them; no, she was scared for Trowa.  
"I haven't seen her." She shrugged innocently.  
"Then you won't mind if I look for her." It was more of a statement than a suggestion as Heero pushed past her effortlessly. Tara almost cried out in protest, but instead retreated quickly backstage. She knew where Trowa and Relena would be, the question was could she catch them in time? Heero was faster than her, but could he navigate the backstage crowd like her? Probably not.  
"Tara! Slow down!" she slipped between a group of clowns and dancers. She cursed them in her head, for it Heero heard her name, which would without a doubt tip him off.  
"Tara, could you get a treat for Riley, he's hungry." Catherine asked, but Tara passed her by.  
"Sorry, not now!" she called back, turning a corner sharply. She ran into a cage almost immediately. Riley, their big black-mane lion, watched her quizzically as she recovered and kept running. She finally caught sight of Trowa and the girl in the beige trench coat.  
"Trowa!" she hissed as she got closer. He looked over his shoulder, Relena was blushing.  
"Not now, Tara."  
"But Trowa!"  
"Not now." Tara furrowed her brow at the cold shoulder. She spun him around sharply and whispered into his ear.  
"Heero is here!" Trowa looked at her, dumbfounded. His face quickly turned from a look of surprise to one of determination. He muttered an inaudible thank you, and then grabbed Relena's hand and headed out of the back of the tent. Tara allowed herself to breathe hard now. Hopefully she was in time. She headed out of a different exit, but stopped dead in her tracks when she saw a rather upset looking Catherine. She slung an arm around her shoulder.  
"What's wrong?" As soon as she asked the question, she found that she needed no explanation. There stood Heero and Trowa staring venomously at one another with Relena between them trying to keep them apart.  
"What is going on?" Catherine looked at Tara, who was staring at her feet. She looked up at Catherine, who seemed to have realization dawning on her features. Trowa and Heero were arguing vehemently, but Tara and Catherine were too far away to hear them clearly. Tara noticed everything, though. She saw the way Trowa held an arm around Relena possessively, and how she was little by little pulling away. She saw the anger in Heero's unwavering stance, and the tension between the two could have physically manifested. Heero started talking to Relena, who in turn started to cry. Somehow, Tara's heart began to sink, as if she didn't want to see the resolution. She and Catherine couldn't turn away, and when they saw Relena go to Heero's open arms and saw the dismay upon Trowa's face as he walked away, they felt the despair of the scene. Catherine ran after him, but there would be no condolences for Trowa. Tara stood there for a moment, clutching the frills of her skirt with her left hand as she watched the reunited couple. Relena gazed over Heero's shoulder at Tara. Tara suddenly felt a chill run through her body, feeling unfulfilled by the innocent look Relena sent her. Tara then left back to her trailer and fell into an uneasy sleep. 


	7. Life in Short

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

A/N: I am terribly sorry this has taken so long. Writing took a backseat this last semester at school because of the sheer volume I had to do for Newspaper and English. Well, hopefully I can be a little more prolific now that summer is here! Also, please check out my latest story, "Oracle", if you enjoy this story so far!

Chapter 3: Life in Short  
The morning was pale and gray, and Tara woke with a start. Catherine's bed was still made, and it was the best to assume that she did not leave Trowa all night. It was a day off for the performers, so Tara dressed modestly in pale violet and gray warm-ups that had seen many a cold and lazy day. She looked at herself in the mirror, her gentle curls unruly and her eyes seemed heavy with guilt. Why should she feel guilty? She did all that she could, but it was not good enough. The words stung her a bit as she admitted them to her messy reflection. She sighed and tied her hair back, and left the trailer toward the kitchen; she needed coffee. As she wandered there, she thought over it again. Yes, Trowa and Relena had been caught, and yes, it was sad, but was it right? She was cheating on her significant other, and he went right along in hiding. Were their affections nothing more than a lust for one another? What else would keep lovers hiding from the world? When she got to the kitchen, she saw Catherine sitting alone, looking tired. Tara got a cup of coffee for each of them and sat next to her quietly.  
"You all right?" Tara asked, setting the cup down next to Catherine's hands.  
"Yeah, I'm just tired," Catherine rubbed her eyes, and then picked up the cup of warm liquid, "he's so angry."  
"Trowa?"  
"Yes," Catherine sighed and took a sip, "he's not sad, or mourning, he's just angry that she went back to Heero."  
"Did you know about them, Trowa and Relena?" Tara put down her cup and hugged Catherine about the shoulders warmly.  
"I knew he was seeing someone, but not her," she chuckled sadly for a moment, "he probably didn't tell me because he knew I would object and try to change his mind."  
"You really would have?"  
"Well yes," Catherine turned and looked at her, "don't get me wrong, I want Trowa to be happy, but a taken woman, Relen Peacecraft and the girlfriend of one of his good friends no less, is just not a good situation for him. It was destined to end before it started."  
"Maybe." Tara mumbled, remembering the day at the beach when she and Trowa talked about his relationship. He was waiting for the let down, he knew it was coming, but he still carried on the charade. He knew his fate.  
"'Tis better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all." Tara found herself mumbling aloud.  
"What was that?" Catherine rubbed her eyes again and yawned in a cute manner.  
"Just thinking, he knew it was going to go downhill," Tara explained with a break to sip her coffee, "so why did he do it?"  
"You've really got to care for the person, to the point where toy would do anything to be near them. Maybe Trowa felt that way, or at least he thought he did. It would explain why he was faithful, why he was willing to keep it in hiding." Catherine responded.  
"I find that sad."  
"Why?"  
"Because he gave so much, and he deserves so much in return," Tara looked at Catherine, "don't you think it's unfair?"  
"From my heart, yes, but from reality, no," Catherine sighed in reply, "he did it to himself, and all we can do now is support him." Tara nodded, putting her feet up on the bench and hugging her knees. Her concern for Trowa was great now, and she was partially relieved when he walked into the kitchen. He looked tired, but stone cold. The air suddenly felt icy as he crossed the room and sat down near them. His mood did not lift for weeks despite Catherine and Tara's attention.  
The days waxed from winter to spring, and then on toward summer. The employees received three weeks leave before summer began. It would be their busiest season, with the shortest time spent on the road as they traveled from one big city to the next, setting up for one or two weeks at a time. Trowa's mood improved a bit with the announcement of the three weeks vacation. He was not terribly thrilled to hear that they were to be spending that vacation time at L2 colony. He was mostly dreading an encounter with on of his friends. He knew that his encounter with Heero would be fresh on everyone's mind even though some time had passed. He stood outside the airport with a particularly angry little snarl on his face when someone jumped on his back with a carnal laugh. He stood ramrod straight and blinked, and then tossed a glance over his shoulder to discover that Tara was his attacker.  
"Come on Trowa," she smiled in an overly forced way, trying to make him laugh, "we are going on vacation! No packing, unpacking, performances, hungry lions, flying daggers, or boss to worry about!"  
"She has a point." Catherine said off to the side while putting her bag on their carrier and pushing it toward the entrance. Trowa sighed and inwardly admitted defeat, and a smile crept across his face as he slid his arms underneath Tara's legs in order to carry her comfortably. She nearly yelped as he lifted her up, but was quite happy that all of her pestering was finally beginning to pay off. Catherine smiled back at them, throwing them the off comment of how they could by mistaken as children, but inside she was happier than she had been in awhile.  
On the shuttle, Tara's mood had dipped a little low. She stared out of the window, wondering just how long it had been since she went to space. Her brow furrowed, not being able to remember much of the last visit, and she knew it was because she simply blocked it out long ago. Life was much happier as it was now anyway, so what was the point in fretting over the past? All of her former memories were locked away, with nothing but a scrapbook of lessons to keep safe and sacred. Trowa watched her with interest while Catherine did her best to ignore anything about flying. Tara's eyes suddenly changed focus, and found that she was staring at the slight reflection of Trowa in the glass instead of the stars and the Earth far below. She turned around in her seat to face him and his curious eyes.  
"Hmm?" She tried her best to sound sleepy.  
"You're quiet for having been so energetic earlier," he had never broken his gaze, "something wrong?"  
"No," she chirped in an attempt to be childish, "I was just, quite literally, staring off into space."  
"Have you ever been to the colonies before?"  
"Yes."  
"What for?"  
"Vacation." The reply was short, but Trowa felt it would be rude to pry at her. After all, she had been the one who was prying at him to be happy for so long, one of the only people trying to make him feel better, so he let it be.  
"I don't really want to go back." His eyes finally moved from her to the seat in front of him, blankly staring at the gray upholstery.  
"Because all of your friends are up here?"  
"Most of them are." He looked back at her again, "Tell me what you think. Do you think it is wrong to want to shirk your friends? To just put them aside and never have to deal with them again, friends that were so close to you at one point, that you could have sworn that you shared blood with them?" Tara was a little taken back for a moment, but managed a slight answer.  
"Well... to be honest, I cannot think of a time where I had a friend that close but," she paused for a moment, "I don't think you should set them on a shelf forever. Sure you would have the memories, but you would also have the memories of what drove you apart, and that would make everything so bitter sweet. Why not try to heal?"  
"It makes sense," he smiled and leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes for a moment, "thank you."  
"You're welcome." Tara mumbled. A short time later they were in the terminal at L2, greeted by none other than Duo Maxwell.


End file.
